Hope is dangerous for me. I learned this week that optimism is more dangerous. It is like dipping your toes into the water with ‘just one drink’ for the alcoholic. Self-control exists in a life without experiences. My budget is under control until payday, my plans are well conceived until…

Sometimes when you struggle and climb to reach that pinnacle you realize that the struggle was the only thing keeping you alive. The thrill and despair of fighting for your life leads to an end to the suffering. Now you are a blank slate at 62 and the tools to…

I woke up this morning troubled by a dream and the insight it provided. Of course, morning is a loosely based term in my life, it was just before midnight. I know how I am going to die. In my dream I was holding on to a thick cable stretched…

Lately I’ve been watching certain Korean shows repeatedly, like Hello, My Twenties, My Shy Boss, and My Only Love Song that touch my heart and make me cry. The storylines and actors are all brilliant, but I don’t just cry when something is sad but also when they portray caring…

The pain was more than I could bear or believe it would just go away like a muscle cramp. I called my primary provider, WellCare, for help. I was told an appointment was available in a few days, so I booked it. WellCare has been an important bridge for me…

The shadows and complexities of memory are clashing with the present day as I plan to enjoy the unique experience of documentary film during AFI Docs festival this week. I first attended just a couple of months before becoming homeless for the first time. My profile rose as my…

The news hit me like a bolt of lightning. My life is fairly routine inside my secure cocoon. I’m lonely and a little hobbled at the moment but all in all I’m grateful to have survived my frailties and emerged a stronger healthier soul. The response that my Medicaid insurance…

I listen to podcasts each night to help quiet my mind and fall asleep. Last night a podcaster mentioned Alexi McCammond insinuating that she lost her job without explaining more. It seemed a matter of minutes when a tweet came across my phone with a letter to her new Teen…

I think I’ll try to walk a few blocks today before going to the market next door. I know the risks. Last time I made it three blocks and turned around feeling like it was a start. Something is better than nothing right? After I returned home a panic attack…